Scott came back this weekend. He arrived about 7:30 last night and we watched The Godfather movie together after I got Bob to bed. It had been years since I had seen it. We actually missed parts of it since I watched parts of the new PBS show Need To Know too. They had an interview with Bill Clinton and I am once again impressed with his intelligence and the way he seems to be able to cut to the chase in his thinking.
I don't admire his morals but I certainly admire his brain.
Scott is in the living room watching TV with Bob this morning and I just let them enjoy one another's company. I just clued Scott in about Bob's surprise birthday party on the 23rd. Becky, his girlfriend, will be in Topeka that weekend doing her filming. I believe the party will be from 2:00 until 4:00 that afternoon. Leslie is planning it so I am not absolutely positive about the time.
It got down to 40 degrees here last night. The sun is shining and it will warm up some later on in the morning. Bob and Scott like to sit out on the patio and enjoy the flowers.
Speaking of the flowers, I cut about twenty branches off my peonies last night. They were laying on the ground. Each branch has about four huge flowers on it and the cages just can't contain that weight. They are gorgeous though.
I slept until 6:00 this morning and I slept well. That's the best night's sleep I had in weeks. When I awoke, Scott had helped Bob to get up and Bob was in the recliner in the living room. They were trying to be quiet so I would sleep.
I dressed and fixed their breakfast and got Bob settled in for the morning. Scott being here to distract him has his mind off his discomfort. That's good. I hope his meds have kicked in by now.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Lunch on Friday
Today, if Bob is up to it, we will drive up to Independence and take Leslie to lunch. Bob always looks forward to that.
I awoke at 3:00 AM again this morning and could not get back to sleep. It's 4:00 now. I just lay there and thought about my life and what I was going to do. I went over my budget about a dozen times and never could balance it. I know I must just take one day at a time to get through this difficult time. It's just that every once in awhile it catches up with me. I will need to find a job...that's for sure. At 74, that may be difficult. I can always clean houses if I can find anyone nowadays that can afford to pay for that service.
My concern now is that the economy will bottom out again if the situation with Greece and Europe gets worse and that will affect our economy since we are all so interconnected in this day and age. However, my immediate concerns are the ones I need to focus on and not the national and international mess.
Bob has felt bad again today. he took a couple of Aleve at 7:00 this morning and they never did help. At 10:30, he took two Tylenol and they have kicked in now and he is feeling better. So it appears we will go to Independence and take Leslie to lunch.
I hope the rest of the day goes better then the morning.
It did. At least so far. He did much better at lunch with Leslie. She picks up his spirits. He is now taking a nap.
While I was gone picking up his meds someone called and woke him up from his nap. He has a terrible time getting up and did not make it in time and the person did not leave a message. Also, since he's very hard of hearing, he cannot hear on the telephone. Now he's back to the grouchy mode again.
I awoke at 3:00 AM again this morning and could not get back to sleep. It's 4:00 now. I just lay there and thought about my life and what I was going to do. I went over my budget about a dozen times and never could balance it. I know I must just take one day at a time to get through this difficult time. It's just that every once in awhile it catches up with me. I will need to find a job...that's for sure. At 74, that may be difficult. I can always clean houses if I can find anyone nowadays that can afford to pay for that service.
My concern now is that the economy will bottom out again if the situation with Greece and Europe gets worse and that will affect our economy since we are all so interconnected in this day and age. However, my immediate concerns are the ones I need to focus on and not the national and international mess.
Bob has felt bad again today. he took a couple of Aleve at 7:00 this morning and they never did help. At 10:30, he took two Tylenol and they have kicked in now and he is feeling better. So it appears we will go to Independence and take Leslie to lunch.
I hope the rest of the day goes better then the morning.
It did. At least so far. He did much better at lunch with Leslie. She picks up his spirits. He is now taking a nap.
While I was gone picking up his meds someone called and woke him up from his nap. He has a terrible time getting up and did not make it in time and the person did not leave a message. Also, since he's very hard of hearing, he cannot hear on the telephone. Now he's back to the grouchy mode again.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Ministerial Alliance Thursday
I attended the alliance meeting today here at Coffeyville since it is the last one of our year before September. Bob didn't want to go. He aches all over much of the time and would not be comfortable. I got him as comfortable as possible, fixed him some lunch and left at the last possible moment for the meeting. He took his nap and was still sleeping when I got home. I needed to go since I am secretary/treasurer.
Yesterday was pretty bad. He feels much better today. But taking the half pain tablet must have worked out pretty well since he pretty much slept through the night. I was exhausted yesterday too. I woke up night before last at 3:00AM and could not get back to sleep. So I was wiped out all day.
Our grandson e-mailed me this morning and offered to do our yard work. I told him I had an old Dixon mower and a good Worx trimmer and since I had my health thus far I was trying to be as independent as possible. But I really appreciated the offer. That, in itself, was very good of him. He has a wife and new baby himself. They will soon move to Nowata and we will not see him as much as we have when they live in Independence. I hate that. But they have to do what is best for them. Marlene loves to garden and since she is a vegetarian, having a garden is very important to her.
John, our son-in-law, came by last night and visited us awhile. That was so sweet of him. He and Jeromy had gone to Nowata to see the property Jeromy is going to buy. He stayed and visited quite awhile. I was happy to send half of the brownies I made yesterday home with him for his lunch. I had made them for the family night meeting we were to have had here last night. At the last minute, we canceled it. Bob just felt too bad to have it here.
Today we both felt 100% better! We both got a good night's sleep! I got my minutes done and out to the CMA members and Bob rested well today. Two of our friends came to visit this afternoon and brought him a huge basket of flowers. How nice is that!! I fed them the other half of the brownies. I'm hoping Bob has another good night. That makes all the difference. He wants to take Leslie, our daughter, to lunch tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Busy Wednesday
I thought the pain meds would help Bob deal with the pain but I went out to the Dollar Store last night to get a brownie mix and when I got home he was in the bathroom and later on the floor of the bedroom. I asked him what happened and he said the pain meds made him sick and dizzy. He lay there for an hour and a half and I kept checking in on him. Finally I had him take some Dramamine and after another hour, I was able to get him back to the bed. He is sleeping in the den on the daybed now because he sleeps with a bunch of pillows to rest the arm on and he needs more room to do that. I think he went back to the Aleve after that. The kitchen light was on at 3:00 AM and the Aleve bottle was out and a glass of water.
The cancer appears to be all through his upper body. His back is swollen and sore, his abdomen is also swollen, and the other armpit also hurts now.
I think we're in for a long spring and summer. He sees the oncologist next Wednesday. We may (or may not) know more then.
I will go to Independence this morning for my hair appointment and meet Juanita for breakfast. Bob watches his TV show between 9:00 and 10:00. It's "The Doctors". I will try to get back home before 10:00.
I want to finish dusting, bake my brownies and trim the yard. I got the mowing done yesterday and also cleaned the house and scrubbed the bathrooms. But I only got started on the dusting.
Next Tuesday, if the weather and Bob's condition permit, I will dig out around the Rose of Sharon in the front yard next to the drive. Then I will line it with stone of some sort and mulch it. It is impossible to mow around and the weeds look unsightly.
The cancer appears to be all through his upper body. His back is swollen and sore, his abdomen is also swollen, and the other armpit also hurts now.
I think we're in for a long spring and summer. He sees the oncologist next Wednesday. We may (or may not) know more then.
I will go to Independence this morning for my hair appointment and meet Juanita for breakfast. Bob watches his TV show between 9:00 and 10:00. It's "The Doctors". I will try to get back home before 10:00.
I want to finish dusting, bake my brownies and trim the yard. I got the mowing done yesterday and also cleaned the house and scrubbed the bathrooms. But I only got started on the dusting.
Next Tuesday, if the weather and Bob's condition permit, I will dig out around the Rose of Sharon in the front yard next to the drive. Then I will line it with stone of some sort and mulch it. It is impossible to mow around and the weeds look unsightly.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Same Tuesday
I went to sit with my sister this morning while Bob was watching TV. He took some more of his pain meds. He had to cut down to one and a half pills because they made him nauseous. He is doing better though. After I mowed this afternoon, he brought me out some tea and sat on the patio with me and watched the birds and admired the flowers. He is doing well at not dwelling on the disease. We keep saying "one day at a time" "sufficient unto the day is the evil therein". So far...so good. His appointment with the oncologist is next Wednesday at 1:00. Scott sent me the doctor's letter as a PDF file. He also sent me the pathology report. For obvious reasons, I have not shared that with Bob.
Scott was called into the sergeant major's office yesterday and told he would deployed back to Afghanistan. He told his CO that his dad had cancer and he did not want to go. They told him to have the pathologist report faxed to them and that might make a difference. So I called the Bartlesville hospital and told them the situation and they faxed the report. Then Scott was told that he would need the doctor's prognosis. When Melissa (our doctor) finally called yesterday afternoon with the results of the pathology, I told her about that and she volunteered to write the letter and fax it to them. She did that.
This morning Scott was told it might not make a difference. One of his co-soldiers came in to his office to see if he had the orders to read. She was also on the list. They discussed his situation and she volunteered to go in his place. The CO is working on that now. He will know their decision by the end of the week.
My peonies are in full bloom now. We have been sitting on the patio admiring them this afternoon. The hybrid iris are also now blooming well.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Bob's Test Results
The news is not good. Bob had a needle biopsy and fresh ultrasound last Wednesday in Bartlesville..
It is a poorly differentiated lymph node metastasis from advanced squamous cell carcinoma. She wants him to see an oncologist to try to discover where the primary source is located. They hope to be able to find the primary source. Sometimes they can't. The local oncologist, who is here two days a week from Ponca City, is Dr. Agoondepa. She will get him an appointment with him. If the source of the disease is discovered, then they can discuss treatment plans. She is not encouraged because it is poorly differentiated. She never likes to see the words "poorly differentiated".
They did not see the primary source in his CT scan or any of the x-rays or the ultrasound. She said there were a few more stains for them to analyze from this test and she said she has to say "it is further along in it's course then I'd like"
If the source is discovered, then they can come up with a treatment plan.
Bob just wants to get rid of the swelling and painful hand and arm. He is pretty discouraged.
Today he started on a narcotic pain med.
It is a poorly differentiated lymph node metastasis from advanced squamous cell carcinoma. She wants him to see an oncologist to try to discover where the primary source is located. They hope to be able to find the primary source. Sometimes they can't. The local oncologist, who is here two days a week from Ponca City, is Dr. Agoondepa. She will get him an appointment with him. If the source of the disease is discovered, then they can discuss treatment plans. She is not encouraged because it is poorly differentiated. She never likes to see the words "poorly differentiated".
They did not see the primary source in his CT scan or any of the x-rays or the ultrasound. She said there were a few more stains for them to analyze from this test and she said she has to say "it is further along in it's course then I'd like"
If the source is discovered, then they can come up with a treatment plan.
Bob just wants to get rid of the swelling and painful hand and arm. He is pretty discouraged.
Today he started on a narcotic pain med.
Thinking About Healing
If God is “with us” at all times, constantly leading and persuading us in the right direction, we learn to trust and listen to God’s still small voice. In the same way, when we trust God and know God desires the very best for us, we will want to follow these leadings. From past experiences, we have learned that going our own way often leads to bad decisions and unhappiness.
God’s ways more often lead to freedom
We know God is good. As we move beyond a concept of a God with divine manipulative power, the exercise of our faith will find ways to understand that divine power is not coercive. God attempts to influence us in ways that will help us make good decisions for ourselves and help others to listen for God’s still small voice from within themselves as well. We will develop a sense of God’s “persuasive” Spirit that we can recognize. Many voices call to us. Not all of them are God’s voice. We may find a shift away from a belief in a manipulative divine power that directs our every action, difficult at first because it is the view we have had of God for so many centuries.
But it becomes easier if we see God as less the focus of power and more the distributor of power. Such an understanding also helps us when things go awry in our lives. We no longer blame God for the bad things that happen to us. We become aware that God’s Holy Spirit is right there with us as we go through our battles..whatever those battles may be….encouraging us and helping us to heal. We realize that God’s Spirit will never forsake us. And that can bring us great comfort.
This way of envisioning the divine suggests the act of swimming in a deep, slow moving river. The water supports us, though that support requires our cooperation. We are free to rebel, to resist the current by seeking to go our own way. Rebellion requires extra effort, but it is possible. Or we can cooperate with the current and be supported as we attempt to move in positive directions.
The divine has power. But that power is expressed in a way quite different from the way the power of God is traditionally understood. If I am ill, for example, God does not have to be persuaded by the prayers of my friends to assist me to regain health. The Spirit, is already with me, encouraging me, enabling the forces of healing. The prayers of my friends may in some way focus this power, but those prayers are not required to summon the Spirit from inactivity. Without the healing strength that the divine provides, my chances of surviving illness are slim. With that power at work, my chances of recovery increase significantly. But in neither case is my recovery guaranteed.
The Spirit is strong but not omnipotent. The divine enlivens my body’s ability to heal but the strength of the illness can sometimes be so great that not even a spirit empowered body can cope. The Spirit coaxes and persuades toward health but yet it never coerces or overpowers.
That's my understanding at this time.
God’s ways more often lead to freedom
We know God is good. As we move beyond a concept of a God with divine manipulative power, the exercise of our faith will find ways to understand that divine power is not coercive. God attempts to influence us in ways that will help us make good decisions for ourselves and help others to listen for God’s still small voice from within themselves as well. We will develop a sense of God’s “persuasive” Spirit that we can recognize. Many voices call to us. Not all of them are God’s voice. We may find a shift away from a belief in a manipulative divine power that directs our every action, difficult at first because it is the view we have had of God for so many centuries.
But it becomes easier if we see God as less the focus of power and more the distributor of power. Such an understanding also helps us when things go awry in our lives. We no longer blame God for the bad things that happen to us. We become aware that God’s Holy Spirit is right there with us as we go through our battles..whatever those battles may be….encouraging us and helping us to heal. We realize that God’s Spirit will never forsake us. And that can bring us great comfort.
This way of envisioning the divine suggests the act of swimming in a deep, slow moving river. The water supports us, though that support requires our cooperation. We are free to rebel, to resist the current by seeking to go our own way. Rebellion requires extra effort, but it is possible. Or we can cooperate with the current and be supported as we attempt to move in positive directions.
The divine has power. But that power is expressed in a way quite different from the way the power of God is traditionally understood. If I am ill, for example, God does not have to be persuaded by the prayers of my friends to assist me to regain health. The Spirit, is already with me, encouraging me, enabling the forces of healing. The prayers of my friends may in some way focus this power, but those prayers are not required to summon the Spirit from inactivity. Without the healing strength that the divine provides, my chances of surviving illness are slim. With that power at work, my chances of recovery increase significantly. But in neither case is my recovery guaranteed.
The Spirit is strong but not omnipotent. The divine enlivens my body’s ability to heal but the strength of the illness can sometimes be so great that not even a spirit empowered body can cope. The Spirit coaxes and persuades toward health but yet it never coerces or overpowers.
That's my understanding at this time.
County Commission Meeting Today
I have the invocation to do at the county commission meeting in Independence today at 9:00. I have missed the last two times I was to do it so I must make it today. I tried to get Phil to take me off the list but he was hesitant to do that. He may have to if I get too busy with Bob.
Bob's afternoon improved some yesterday. By the time I got home from church he had managed somehow to get his clothes on and was feeling better. Melissa, our doctor, was at church yesterday. She had been out of the office Friday so if the report came in, she was not aware of it.
She has to make a deposition this morning so she will not be in her office until afternoon. I should be back long before that. I know Bob is anxious to find out what his status is and what the prognosis is for his cancer.
We have Ministerial Alliance this Thursday. I hope he is up to going. I am the secretary and will need to take minutes. This is the election and also the last meeting for the summer. We will resume in September. Other then that meeting and my Wednesday hair appointment, we have a quiet week coming. That's good. Bob has felt wretched this past week.
Bob's afternoon improved some yesterday. By the time I got home from church he had managed somehow to get his clothes on and was feeling better. Melissa, our doctor, was at church yesterday. She had been out of the office Friday so if the report came in, she was not aware of it.
She has to make a deposition this morning so she will not be in her office until afternoon. I should be back long before that. I know Bob is anxious to find out what his status is and what the prognosis is for his cancer.
We have Ministerial Alliance this Thursday. I hope he is up to going. I am the secretary and will need to take minutes. This is the election and also the last meeting for the summer. We will resume in September. Other then that meeting and my Wednesday hair appointment, we have a quiet week coming. That's good. Bob has felt wretched this past week.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Busy Sunday and Times Square Bomb
This will be a busy Sunday. Unless something changes, Bob wants me to take his place presiding at church. He is just not up to even going. We are fast losing participation of our elders. First John and now Bob. Carletta is also very limited in what she can do. That leaves me, Leslie, Sue and Karan...with Bill to help preach.
It is also communion Sunday at our church. I will take the bread and the wine is already there.
On the national front, some idiot tried to set off a car bomb in Times Square last night. It was an amateurish job so nothing happened. Mostly, it was propane tanks and a couple of clocks. There were ordinary firecrackers in it too. I imagine someone just saw that as a black joke. I hope they catch the joker.
The worst part were the thrill seekers who stayed there outside the crime scene tape and watched the entire proceedings. If that bomb had been an actual bomb, they would have been history. Some people simply don't have a brain.
It is also communion Sunday at our church. I will take the bread and the wine is already there.
On the national front, some idiot tried to set off a car bomb in Times Square last night. It was an amateurish job so nothing happened. Mostly, it was propane tanks and a couple of clocks. There were ordinary firecrackers in it too. I imagine someone just saw that as a black joke. I hope they catch the joker.
The worst part were the thrill seekers who stayed there outside the crime scene tape and watched the entire proceedings. If that bomb had been an actual bomb, they would have been history. Some people simply don't have a brain.
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